when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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