people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
