it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
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Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
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My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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