Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
