You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
