I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
