I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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