my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
