I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My vagina just clenched in fear
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize