if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
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My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
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The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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