where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
