Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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