I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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