Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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