sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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