Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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