WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
