Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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