Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
