Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
