Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
