1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
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idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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