absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
