the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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