woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
