I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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