Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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