I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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