i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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