we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
