Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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