I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
