started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My vagina is very pro this idea
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
