literally had 100 drinks last night.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
