I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
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im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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