all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
