I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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