If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
