hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
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I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
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Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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