I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
