is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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