so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My breasts were aching with rage.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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