By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i came on her dog
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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