Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
