i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
