Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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