everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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