she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
