I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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