Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
