it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
