He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
