but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
