Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
