Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
